It's Official

It's official. It finally happened. My computer thinks I'm gay. You know how high powered corporate supercomputers and adware decide what kind of advertisements to inject into your every day web browsing? Lately, I've been getting advertisements that make me question my sexuality - I mean, my computer is way smarter than I am, right? It performs complex mathematical calculations 1000's of times a second. I could maybe do one in 10 minutes and probably incorrectly. Do I want to meet sexy singles? Yeah, maybe I do, but not men, and certainly not swingers from Arkansas.

"Make your own cookbook In just minutes, it's easy! Create a TasteBook with top online recipes or your own. Beautiful, hardcover design, the perfect gift." That's what MySpace thought I'd like; certainly sounds like something I'd enjoy doing with my free time. A wise man once said "Free time isn't free" or was it "Freedom isn't free"? Well, either way computer, "You don't know me!" We do do some intimate things together like personal emails, facebook poking and the occasional "naughtyness". You are my best friend, my companion, my favorite tool in the search for Chinese bootlegged DVDs, a mentor, and you promised you'd never tell!

Windows vista looks pretty appealing and I could sure use more expandability and flexibility from my peripherals. I've got my eye on you! Consider this a wakeup call; consider this your first and last warning! 'Cause next time, I won't be so forgiving.

Or you will do the hardest surfing there is. No more protection from the firewall. I'll pull you out of that one-bunk Hilton you call a desk and put you in with the biggest P2P file server I can find. You'll think you got effed by a train! And the external hard drive? Gone! Sealed off brick by brick! We'll have us a little restore disk-barbecue in the yard! They'll see the flames for miles! We'll dance around it like wild Indians! Do you understand me? Or am I being obtuse?