Fantasy Football

Last Sunday my friends and I gathered around our respective computers and began the chase for the Burt Lancaster Chalice. That's right, I'm speaking of the highly coveted Cabin XFL Fantasy Football League Trophy.

It was a cut throat environment where the men were separated from the boys by, sometimes, less than a point. Last year, the XFL was my own personal hell where where I lived life 3 feet at a time.

As you can tell I'm still a little bit sour about last year. We won't delve into the past, but I didn't do all that well. Week one came on like a lamb and went out like a lion. I crushed my opponent, with the force of a semi tractor trailer slamming into a watermelon stand. My opponent's innards were expelled like the seeds of an over ripened tomato hitting a store window. Here is the proof...

DIVISION 1
TEAM, OWNER(S)	PF	PA	HOME	AWAY	DIV	STREAK
Bill Brasky's Legends	116	88	0-0-0	1-0-0	1-0-0	W1
Captain Kirk's Revenge	108	92	1-0-0	0-0-0	1-0-0	W1
Unstoppable Tasty Nachos	88	58	1-0-0	0-0-0	1-0-0	W1
Cabin X 18-1's	87	27	0-0-0	1-0-0	1-0-0	W1
lil' Zac's Ballers	79	73	1-0-0	0-0-0	1-0-0	W1
Korupto's Sidekick	92	108	0-0-0	0-1-0	0-1-0	L1
Tracy Jordan's Stabbing Robots	88	116	0-1-0	0-0-0	0-1-0	L1
cookie crisp	73	79	0-0-0	0-1-0	0-1-0	L1
Stadium Area RATS	58	88	0-0-0	0-1-0	0-1-0	L1
East Providence Rectal Warts	27	87	0-1-0	0-0-0	0-1-0	L1

New Features!

Check Out My New Features!

- Reduced Bow Rise
- Eliminates Chinewalking
- Stops Porpoising
- Wipes Out Cavitation
- Delivers True Stabilization
- Saves Fuel!
- Reduced Hydrodynamic Drag
- Improved Top End Speed
- NO-DRILL Mounting Design
- Junior Model Availiable

Universal Remotes

Why does everyone have so many universal remotes? If it's universal, don't you only need one? Every electronic device I buy comes with one. The one I have for the tv in my bedroom broke, so I had to go to Circuit City and get a universal remote to replace it. The real replacement was somewhere near $29.99 plus shipping. Unfortunately the universal remote doesn't have a sleep time function, so the tv stays on 'till all hoursof the morning. I'm sure that it has cost me more in the long run in electricity than it would have to buy the exact replacement, but I digress.

If they are universal should they work with everything and do everything? Am I asking too much of a 30 year old piece of infrared technology? I think not! The solution? A simple light timer purchesed at ACE hardware for $5.99. Take that remotes.com!

Vanilla Fudge Brownie

The other day I bought ice cream. The flavor? Well, it was enticing. It was simply called "Vanilla Fudge Brownie". After I had a few bowls, I thought to myself, "Where is the brownie?"

Join The Fun

Back home my friends and I made up a game where the point is to combine 3 celebrities' names to create a new name, where the middle name is said as kind of a nickname. Sound confusing? It really isn't - here is a quick formula.


A + "B" + C


A = Sir Edmund Hillary (a New Zealand mountaineer and explorer. On 29 May 1953 at the age of 33, he and Sherpa mountaineer Tenzing Norgay became the first climbers known to have reached the summit of Mount Everest. They were part of the ninth British expedition to Everest, led by John Hunt.)

B = Hillary Clinton (the junior United States Senator from New York, and was a candidate for the Democratic nomination in the 2008 presidential election. She is married to Bill Clinton—the 42nd President of the United States—and was the First Lady of the United States from 1993 to 2001.)

C = Clinton Portis (an American football running back for the Washington Redskins of the National Football League.)

A + "B" + C = Sir Edmund "Hillary Clinton" Portis

Go ahead and play. Don't be afraid. Tell your friends and if any0ne is out there post some right here.

Open Door Policy

Hello dear friends,

     Though the little-known, dead planet
             Earth, remotely situated in the Milky
             Way Galaxy, is admittedly of little
             interest to us today, we have presented
             this quaint comedy of Galaxy pre-history,
             when the primitive organization of
             sovereign nation states still flourished,
             and the archaic institution of War had
             not yet been forbidden by Law, as another
             in our series, "The Dead Worlds of Antiquity."